TMI: Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino & Vinny Guadagnino Admitted To Eiffel Towering A Girl Together
PHOTO: Taylor Hill/Getty Images
Who doesn't love a good threesome?
In this week's episode of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation the group revealed some X-rated secrets from their glory days on reality television.
In case you missed the clip circling social media, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi joked that Angelina Pivarnick should have a threesome with her TV frenemy Vinny Guadagnino and it only took a few seconds before Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino admitted that he did, in fact, have a threesome with Vinny back in the day.
The Situation elaborated on their sexcapade, saying "we did the Eiffel Tower before but we never crossed swords … me and Vinny." I'm not sure why but I feel like we *needed* to know this information. Vinny added that “2009 was a weird year" and considering this group ran around the Jersey shore the same colour as Oompla Loompas, I wouldn't disagree.
For anyone not clear on what "Eiffel Tower" means in a sexual context, it's pretty much what it sounds like just with a few penises involved. Urban Dictionary describes it as:
"A threesome with two guys and a girl, where one guy is hitting it from behind, and the other guy is getting a blow job. The guys are high-fiving over the girl to make the Eiffel tower shape."
In all seriousness, it's iconic and not surprising at all that these two had a threesome back in the heyday of their show. Back in 2009, the cast of Jersey Shore were essentially rockstars and one thing rockstars are known to do is hold hands while they ruin a woman from separate ends. It's just a fact.
Jenni "JWoww" Farley was shocked by not only the news of Vinny and Mike having a threesome but at discovering what an Eiffel Tower is, she said "there’s some things I wish I didn’t hear in life. Mike and Vinny explaining what an Eiffel Tower is and the fact that they did it … ew.”
Considering all the other disgusting sex acts you can find on Urban Dictionary, doing an Eiffel Tower really isn't that bad. If the boys were giving a Dirty Sanchez or Cleveland Steamer then I'd understand Jenni's disgust, but this, not so much.
Naturally, the conversation shifted over to how everyone in the group had sex on camera at one time or another and joked about how they never washed the smush room sheets either. Imagine getting fucked on top of fake tan and cum soaked sheets while a security camera documents your every move before airing it on international television. I can't think of anything more fun and/or traumatic.
Think about the HOURS (or minutes depending on their stamina) of footage that is sitting in an MTV vault of these Guidos going at it in cheap twin beds. Surely, there's a pervy MTV editor or executive who sits back after a long day and beats his meat to whatever vintage Jersey Shore sex tape his heart desires.
The group all named their prices for doing a sex tape and while Vinny settled for $3 million, Angelina said $10 million and JWoww agreed to $50 million. Obviously, no one is paying that much money for a B-list reality star's sex tape, however, for Vinny, I think a $3 million deal with a porn company is achievable. He's already joined the Chippendales, why not add porn star to the resume as well?
Or instead, the cast should come together, negotiate a number with MTV and release all the footage of them having sex back in the day. Not only would it be an iconic move but it would be amazing for their bank accounts too.
Thoughts? Sound off in the comments!
