The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Season 13 Cast Ranked!
PHOTOS: Bravo
This season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta felt off, a problem I blame on the production team, not the women themselves. Yes, the show really took off after Bolo (allegedly) dicked down multiple cast members but Porsha's unwillingness to engage with Kenya and the fractured aunty/niece dynamic stopped the season from getting off the ground. While it wasn't the Atlanta ladies' worst season it felt more disjointed than Drew's wigs and was definitely a far cry from their flawless glory days. Check out our cast ranking below:
8. Tanya Sam
Before the "friend of" disappeared midseason, she spent her limited screen time up Porsha's ass, which is ironic considering she left after being accused of letting Bolo crawl up hers. There are many ways to dispel cheating rumors on a reality show but fleeing the country as soon as they surface is not one of them. Tanya's quirky Canadian energy was a nice addition to the show, however, getting piped by a stripper after hours was the only memorable thing she ever did. I just hope bouncing on Bolo's ramrod was worth throwing her Housewives career away.
7. Cynthia Bailey
Aside from throwing a superspreader wedding in the middle of a pandemic, 54 Cynt spent the season drinking wine, serving lewks, laughing in her confessionals, and watching the ladies fight from the sidelines. Cynthia may be a low-energy Housewife, however, she balances out the cast and knows how to market her last name like a true businesswoman. She may not have done a lot this season but without her 50 Shades of Grey bachelorette party we never would've gotten the Bolo storyline where a ten-inch penis (and probably a tonne of cocaine) ran through the women's bodies, so for that, I'm grateful.
6. Kandi Burruss
Just like 54 Cynt, Kandi spent this season on the sidelines. The two veteran Housewives balance out the cast, however, they also take up two peaches that could easily be given to a few messy newbies who are willing to throw wigs and spread cheating rumors. Whether you like it or not, Mistress Kandi is the HBIC of this show. She's got more money than God, she's the longest-running ATL Housewife and she does a nice job of diplomatically playing referee with the ladies. Kandi may not be the most dramatic cast member but she's far from being the most boring.
5. Marlo Hampton
Even Atlanta's resident shit-stirrer, Marlo Hampton, took a backseat to the drama which is another reason for this flop season. Aside from everybody's favorite concubine burying the hatchet with her sworn enemy Kenya Moore, Marlo didn't do a lot. Yes, she may or may not have gotten liposuction and she jumped into the middle of Porsha and Kenya's redundant feud but she spent most of her time sipping cocktails in Gucci. I hope Marlo has insurance because she has carried this show on her back for years and when she took a backseat this season, it flopped. Don't you think that's a sign she finally deserves a peach?
4. Porsha Williams
Porsha "carried" this season and that's why it was more boring than her flop Zoom talk show on Bravo. The resident streetfighter has taken over NeNe's role which comes with rehearsed one-liners and an inflated ego. Porsha refused to engage in the drama, which is literally in her job description, and surrounded herself with a team of minions who kissed her ass more than Bolo did. Social media is touting Porsha as some "sex-positive queen" but what is positive about only letting her guard (and pants) down after taping up the cameras, getting stuffed by a stripper while sharing a house with her reality television costars, and then lying about it for the duration of the season.
Everything this woman does is for her image and she would throw Shamea, Drew, and all the other nieces off a cliff if it meant she'd get another spinoff. I don't care about her will-they-won't-they storyline with the puppy plowing Hot Dog King and I definitely don't give a fuck about her being a fake baby vegan. Bravo's mission over the last few seasons to make Porsha the HBIC of this franchise is like fetch and just like Gretchen Weiner's attempt at a catchphrase, it's not going to happen.
3. Drew Sidora
Although I'm happy Drew managed to bring it in her first season, she needs to take a long walk off a short pier. Drew gives me Dr. Contessa vibes which is never a good thing and I can't find one fuck to give about her boring life. This woman is always attacking everyone's relationships when her husband was tossing salads in Tampa. Drew's shade is tired, her wigs are a travesty and she needs to crawl out of Porsha's anus before she chokes on some shit. Her performance in the finale was more embarrassing than farting during sex, however, her beef with LaToya was entertaining and is the only reason she ranked this high.
2. LaToya Ali
LaToya is Atlanta's second coming of Kenya. This YouTuber knows how to throw shade, is willing to fight with anyone, and almost got beat up by two people for running her mouth. Sound like anyone we know? Along with throwing bitchy shade everywhere she went and acting like a drunk fool, LaToya also managed to have a homoerotic relationship with her mentor Kenya and make out with Porsha. Talk about playing both sides, in more ways than one. Love her or hate her, LaToya gave us 90% of the drama this season while looking cute doing it. Give this woman a peach!
1. Kenya Moore
What would this show be without Miss Twirl? Although Kenya's messy divorce put her in a bad mood for 90% of the season, if she didn't channel her inner Nancy Drew and investigate where Bolo put his Bolo nothing would've happened. In a time where the Housewives franchise is declining faster than a 95-year-old's health, one thing we know for sure is that Kenya will fight with anyone and be messier than a teenage boy's bedroom, in other words, she'll do her fucking job. Say what you will about Miss Moore but her bitchy tendencies and shit-stirring antics keep this show alive and prove why she's an all-star Housewife.
Do you agree with our ranking? Sound off in the comments below!
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our exclusive tea and shady recaps on the Hotlanta ladies.
