RHOC Recap: Hum and Blow
This episode leaned towards the lighter side which is ironic considering the queen of darkness herself, Victoria Gunvalson made another less-than-a-friend appearance. Tamra Judge is an expert at creating reality television, the Telephone Queen of Orange County should be receiving a producer credit at this point in the franchise. Tamra's Big Bear trip revolved around the revelation of Johnny J and Jesus Jugs essentially blackmailing Shannon with "life-ruining" videos and Tamra immediately responded by making up with Shannon, not telling her about said videos and excluding Alexis from her Traitors event.
She invited Vicki and Shannon to her Traitors night because she knew it would give the episode more attention with those two names attached especially considering Vicki's long-running beef with Teddi. Her keeping Alexis away stopped any chance of her event being derailed by Shannon finding out about the video threats which allows this narrative to continue to play out for weeks to come. Tamra knows exactly how to craft reality television and when this show finally comes to a close she should strongly consider going into the production side of things because any show that has Tamra Judge as a head producer will be a success.
Teddi Mellencamp's cameo appearance as a bootleg Alan Cummings felt pretty lukewarm but I was happy to see Tamra's (and now Emily's) podcast cohost reentering this world she's been circling for the last few years. We don't need to give Teddi an orange or even a tangerine but having her pop up as a guest to stoke the flames of her hilarious feud with Vicki doesn't seem like the worst idea in the world. Vicki Gunvalson and Teddi Mellencamp becoming sworn enemies wasn't on my Bravo bingo card but I never fail to be entertained by any of their run-ins.
Teddi knows exactly where to poke the OG of the OC whether it's taunting her over what she did on January 6 or throwing CancerGate back in her face which causes Vicki to combust every single time it happens. It's perfection. If the Morocco tapes weren't being held hostage in the bowels of 30 Rock I'd say throw these gals on the next Ultimate Girls Trip but we all know that ship has sailed.
For the moment Tamra and Shannon are pretending to play nice in the sandbox but anyone with eyes, ears and a Peacock subscription knows this truce won't last. At the end of the day, there's too much water under the bridge to fix this friendship but it's nice seeing them kill time before their next fight where Shannon will play the victim and Tamra will call her an alcoholic for the 50th time. Vicki is still trying to get the band back together as the businesswoman inside her knows the Tres Amigas is a much more profitable show than "Vicki and Shannon Take Texas" or whatever sad unsuspecting state they decide to take their tap dancing routine to. If you want to watch these two women in their sixties sing off-key and answer bitchy questions about their costars in somewhere like Denver be my guest but I'd rather split an Adderall with Jesus Jugs than watch that shit show unfold.
The majority of the episode revolved around the women's "personal storylines" which varied from Shannon getting a breathalyser installed in her car to Katie spilling the tea about her tragic divorce. If there's one thing women in Orange County know how to do it's pick terrible husbands but I guess that's typically a side effect of marrying for money or settling for a douchebag to achieve your dreams of a white picket fence. Almost every woman on this show has a trauma story about divorcing an asshole whether it's Tamra with Simon, Shannon with David, Gina with Matt, Alexis with Jim, or Vicki with Brooks. Those last two may not have gotten divorced but faking cancer on international television may be worse than splitting assets. Going through a shitty divorce has almost become a rite of passage to receive an orange, even Katie and Jen went through their divorce eras before joining the show. All this being said, it is truly devastating to see how the kids are affected.
Maybe Katie and Tamra sharing how their divorces ruined their daughter's relationships with their fathers will make people going through toxic divorces realise the long-term effects it can have on children. Everyone says kids are resilient but as a child of a messy divorce myself, I know firsthand it's not a situation to envy and I relate to Sophia and whatever Katie's daughter's name is. That's no shade to Katie or her daughter but I can only retain kids names after they've been around for at least three seasons. Call me Shannon Beador but I still couldn't name Gina or Emily's kids if there was a gun to my head - except for Sienna and Annabelle but those gals seem like a hoot and a half.
Shannon learned to "hum and blow" into her new car breathalyser which are two things she'll no longer have to do with John Janssen. Fun Lexi thankfully took this week off and gave everyone's ear drums a break from listening to her ramble about her boyfriend of two months. I'm sure in three years when she's in the midst of an ugly divorce she'll be singing a different tune and they'll flashback to her incessant praise of him over and over again - that's if she's even still on the show which doesn't seem like a safe bet considering her only ally in the group was also voted the biggest traitor. Alexis' absence didn't stop the group from discussing the "damaging" videos Johnny J is essentially blackmailing Shannon with given he explicitly told her to clear his name or give him $75k.
At this stage, they need to release those tapes because whatever is on them can't be as bad as they're making it seem. Whenever someone dangles a carrot like this in the Housewives world we always assume the worst which is exactly what John wants. Is Shannon running naked screaming racial slurs and doing blow on these tapes? Is she holding John and his children at gunpoint? Shannon "almost" running over his daughter doesn't seem to be that bad (?) and if it is then why weren't these videos given to the police instead of being used as a scare tactic on a reality television show? The whole thing seems like a reach and unless these tapes start making the rounds on social media I'm going to need everyone to stop bringing them up.
John is like the Wizard of Oz, controlling all these narratives about Shannon behind the scenes while his flying monkey and her push-up bra do his dirty work. Doesn't Alexis find it odd that her boyfriend of two months is using her to fight his battles on a reality show with his ex-girlfriend? We don't know anything about Alexis' day-to-day life or her three children but we do know she and John have sex four times a day and he loves to get her a new ring because it's a Tuesday.
I haven't been much of a Shannon fan in the last few years but if I can admit she is going through a terrible time. The woman is fresh off being arrested for driving her car into a house, going through a breakup and is not only being sued by her ex-boyfriend but is now filming a reality show with his new girlfriend. Even one of those things would be enough to send Shannon spiralling into, well, a house but she's doing a good job at keeping her shit together given these terrible circumstances. Shannon has gone from storming out of scenes screaming "I'M DONE! I'M FUCKING DONE!" when things get too much to now leaving a situation quietly to take a breath which is some kind of growth.
The Traitors season two hasn't become available here in Australia yet so I may be the only person in the world who doesn't understand the hype (or point) of this show but I gather it's Survivor in a Scottish Castle with reality stars. None of the other women seemed to be engaged in this event either but it may be because they're burnt out from being forced to play games with each other in every fucking episode. If these gals aren't playing football on the beach they're made to play golf or even worse - pickleball. Whatever happened to Bunko? Can't Tamra invite Quinn Fry and the ghosts of OC's past over to play a few rounds of everyone's favourite drunk dice game?
To make a long story very short, Heather was the chosen Traitor and did an excellent job of deceiving everyone meaning she won the game and had a great audition for the next season of Traitors. Fancy Pants did a seamless job of tricking the women which might be something they need to take into account the next time she swears on her kid's lives or protests her innocence. Heather lying to all the women with a straight face and using Gina as a decoy are pretty vindicating for Katie when you think about it.
Teddi pushed Tamra into the pool for dramatic effect which seemed more awkward than entertaining. What is this 2012? Are we really still pushing people in pools for reality TV shock value? They wrapped Tamra up in a towel and rushed through the rest of the game but it must've been freezing for all the women to have sympathy for the woman they all voted as the biggest Traitor of the group. This week's episode was a light-hearted watch but the midseason trailer proved there are countless horrors in store for the rest of the season and I'll be here with my popcorn and laptop for every episode.
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!
