RHOA Recap: Shade Party
Everyone who's complaining about this season being boring can go fuck themselves because this episode was incredible. We're only three episodes in with a rebooted cast so it's obviously going to take some time for everyone to vibe and find their footing but considering Drew and Sheree have almost poked each other's eyes out, I'd say this season is going to be a success.
Kenya decided to throw a tea party for her daughter's third birthday which cost her between ten to fifteen thousand dollars which is more insane than Sanya being dragged down a freeway by a mac truck. Unless you're a 23-year-old billionaire like Kylie Jenner with an income more disposable than a can of rubbish nobody should be spending more than one thousand on a child's birthday party. Fuck, even two hundred is a stretch. Obviously, Kenya went all out for the party because it was going to be filmed for a reality show but throwing a tea party with cute teapots and Funfetti cake at Moore Manor would've had the same effect. Kenya said she wanted the party to be something Brooklyn never forgets but the kid is three so it's going to be a party she never remembers in the first place.
Although Marc finally signed off on his daughter appearing on the show, he still hasn't signed the divorce papers which is another one of his controlling tactics to fuck with Kenya. These two have been separated since before COVID-19 was even a thought in anyone's minds, so he needs to sit his narcissistic ass down, sign the fucking papers and leave Kenya Moore alone. The best thing Kenya can do is exactly what she's been doing and that's nothing. If Marc wants to come to Atlanta to visit his daughter, great! If she doesn't, that's also fine. Kenya leaving him alone, not buying into his bullshit and not giving him the reaction he wants is the perfect way to deal with an asshole like Marc Daly.
While Kenya was spending a college tuition on a third birthday party, Kandi was busy bribing Tony voters to get herself an EGOT. If any Housewife is capable of achieving EGOT status its Kandi Burruss, mainly because she's the only one with a Grammy to begin with but she's hoping her producer credit on a Broadway show with get her the Tony and her multiple acting gigs with get her the Emmy. Let's be real, both of these things are pretty achievable for Kandi but the Oscar is probably too far out of her reach, unless she writes a song for a nominated movie.
Anyone who still thinks talent gets you one of these awards has less brain cells than Ralph Pittman because the way celebrities win awards these days is kissing the asses of the people in charge of voting. Kandi sending the Tony voters Instagram worthy PR boxes is just one of these tactics but if you've got more money than God and you want to achieve EGOT status then knock yourself out.
Apart from "only" having sex two to three times a week, Kandi and Todd are also struggling with the business side of their marriage. Kandi wants to produce a television show with him but he only wants her to star in it so she doesn't take away the shine from him, which is totally understandable.
However, Todd Tucker will forever and always be known as the husband of Kandi Burruss and his success will always be affiliated with her, so it doesn't matter if she does or doesn't produce the show with him. Also, since when was having sex two or three times a week a bad thing? Some couples are lucky to get it in once a month and considering Kandi's schedule I'm shook she's had the time in the past to do it even more than three times a week. Todd needs to buy himself a Bedroom Kandi flesh light, calm the fuck down and count his blessings because nobody is going to have sympathy for someone complaining about having sex two times a week after being married for ten years.
The meat and potatoes of the episode was clearly Drew and Sheree's beef. While Sheree was working out in a Google inspired Joggers tee, Marlo came along to sit on the floor and talk shit about the rest of the cast. Sheree and Marlo have one of the most iconic friendships on any of these shows because they could talk trash about every person they know until their tongues fall off. It feels like you're catching up with your shadiest girlfriends and having a kiki through the TV which is why we watch these shows. Also, how the fuck did Sheree managed to make that iconic Joggers tee? Was it an Etsy purchase? Is it apart of the new She by Sheree line? I need to know because I would spend $39.99 plus shipping to have that in my wardrobe.
At this point Marlo and Kenya both told Sheree about Kandi telling them about Drew's assistant talking shit about her. Damn that's a big game of telephone. Sheree's pissed that Kandi wouldn't come to her directly but doesn't Sheree "The Bone Carrier" Whitfield understand that The Telephone Game is a cornerstone of reality TV? Fast forward to Brooklyn's third birthday tea party and Sheree and Drew finally saw each other for the first time since all this tea started flying back and forth. While the toddlers played with teapots and muffins in the corner, Kenya and the ladies played a game where everyone wrote down the best tea they've heard about someone else at the table - at a three year old's birthday party.
The thing I love about Kenya Moore is that even at her daughter's party she's still ready to stir shit up in the name of reality television. She's a professional and she's never going to be one of those people who bitch and moan about the other women "ruining" her daughter's event because she knows if you don't want your party ruined then you shouldn't have it on the show in the first place. Right out of the gate, someone wrote down that they had heard Kandi sucked dick in a locker room. Kandi was pissed and I don't understand why. We all know Kandi loves sucking dick so does it really matter where it happened? No one came forward to admit they wrote it, so was one of Kenya's angry Karen friends the one who heard this tea? Who the fuck knows.
Next up Kenya and Marlo had a pissing match over who owns what kind of car and honestly, after years of these two going back and forth over the pettiest shit known to man, their squabbles just sound like background noise. Just like knowing the sun will rise every morning, you can always count on Marlo and Kenya constantly shading each other. Finally, Drew wrote down that Sheree doesn't pay people which she heard from her thirsty assistant Anthony. Drew has been waiting for her moment to fight with the Joggers Queen and she finally got it. It's an honour and a privilege to have the opportunity to spar with Sheree Whitfield, so Drew should count herself lucky that this feud is allowing her to be relevant on the show.
Of course, Sheree denied not paying Anthony but every Bravo fan with internet access knows this woman pays less people for their services than Donald Trump. Not only did she deny not paying him but she denied that he ever even worked for her, when just last week she said he's worked for her from time to time. Obviously, this man gave Sheree some of his time and he wasn't compensated for it but unless Anthony brings out his receipts (which I'm sure he will) we're never going to get to the bottom of it. Anyway who cares if Sheree paid him or not because this tea is like a piss in the ocean compared to Anthony allegedly telling Sheree that Ralph is gay. Thirsty Anthony is telling everyone's business to anyone with ears in the hopes of getting featured on the show so these women fighting over his messy ways is like a wet dream for him.
We all know Ralph is cheating on Drew more than a juvenile delinquent cheats on a pop quiz but it never occurred to me he was dipping his dick in men. Who knows if Ralph is really gay but we do know he likes to fuck his assistants so maybe Anthony has some first hand knowledge on how Mr. Pittman likes to get his rocks off? Honestly, I thought this rumour sounded like a bunch of bullshit but Drew's reaction definitely made me think twice.
Why get so defensive if someone says your husband likes to suck dick unless it's true? I don't believe that Ralph is a homosexual but maybe his cheater energy and sex addiction has reached such a point that he'll fuck anything with a hole? Whatever the case may be, I'm sure Ralph will come out with a long winded bullshit lie which will all but confirm this tea. The fact that an ASSISTANT is the source of 90% of the drama this season is insane and I give it three weeks before Thirsty Anthony is on the Bravo podcast circuit trying to defend his name and get some clout from this situation.
After Drew suffered a bout of pretend amnesia and didn't realise Anthony had said her husband was gay, after she had just yelled at someone for telling her that exact thing, all the women and their church lady ensembles got up to leave. As everyone was organising themselves for their upcoming New York trip to see Kandi's new Broadway show, Drew randomly decided to put her stubby fingers in Sheree's face. If there's one thing you never want to do it's get in Sheree Whitfield's face because this woman is built like a tank and has no problem pulling (or shifting) a wig off your head. If the entire cast hadn't intervened I'm sure Drew would've been picking her hair up off the floor and spending the next 15 episodes crying about being assaulted when she instigated it. After seeing all this mess transpire Kenya definitely wrote the wrong thing on her text invitation because this wasn't a tea party, it was a shade party.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.
