RHOA Recap: Drop It Like Drew
Ralph Pittman Jr. is the fucking worst. Well, not the worst because there's a long list of House Husbands past and present who suck more than a Dyson vacuum cleaner, but Ralph is definitely up there. Somehow out of this cast of All Star Housewives, Drew managed to get the most airtime for the second week in a row and I'm not complaining about it because her toxic marriage is delivering like Dominos.
Let's start off with a positive. The ladies may have roasted Drew about her wig game last season but clearly she's taken their shady criticism onboard because her hair, makeup and wardrobe are on point. While her second season glow-up is officially a success, Drew's new and improved appearance is probably the only positive she's bringing to the table. The gas bill in the Sidora-Pittman household must be through the roof because Drew's husband gaslights her as if she's an old fashioned heater. Although Ralph fired his assistant turned aspiring masseuse, he's still in contact with her which is a very creative way of saying his penis is in contact with her vagina.
Ralph claims he wouldn't hook up with his ex-assistant because she is 50-years-old as if that means she's an old hag. This isn't the 90s where being 50 makes you a golden girl, we're talking about Atlanta where even 50-year-olds have asses the size of Texas. Kenya Moore is 50 and she's never looked better so Ralph bringing up the assistant's age doesn't mean anything. We've seen a lot of horrible men on these shows but Ralph's manipulative, gaslighting ways are next level. Seriously, this man should run a community college class on how to gaslight women because I'm sure it would sell out faster than Sanya can run an 100 metre sprint. I'm not even a fan of Drew but every time her husband puts her through another course of mental gymnastics it pusher me closer and closer to actually liking this woman.
Ralph spent the entire episode lying about the assistant situation to anyone with ears, including the other husbands on the show. If other men even call you out on lying then you know nobody believes anything that comes out of your mouth. If Ralph was a good liar or gaslighter it would be one thing but whenever he tries to defend himself with lies, it's just random words strung together that don't make any sense. What makes this situation even worse is the fact that Ralph is an aggressively attractive man because we can't even enjoy his good looks on account of his personality ruining him as a person.
To try and save their horrible marriage, Ralph set up a date night for Drew to fix their issues. Drew rocked up to Ralph's tailor's showroom (?) in her best Dancing With The Stars ensemble to hear him belittle and demean her for their entire meal. Not only did Ralph tell her he needs to put himself first but he also said their therapist needs to give her a lesson on "how to speak to men appropriately." Was this man smoking crack in the bathroom before she arrived? If anyone needs a lesson on how to speak to the opposite sex its Ralph but clearly self awareness isn't his strong suit.
Although I took notes on their date night from hell I honestly can't remember any specific thing that happened. Ralph continued to control the conversation and emotionally manipulate Drew into thinking she was the horrible person in this relationship when all he's done is fuck every THOT between Atlanta and Tampa. It's impossible for these two to even have a conversation with each other because Ralph is always the victim and in his controlling eyes, Drew is always the problem.
I'm sure next season Drew and Ralph will try to spin this storyline into "how they saved their relationship" and try to inspire others to work on their marriages but divorce is definitely the answer. You can't change people and Ralph will always be the gaslighting pig he was born to be. Drew needs to save her RHOA coins, find a big shot lawyer and serve him with divorce papers before the reunion because this relationship is never going to be healthy for either of them.
While Drew's husband imploded her self esteem, Kenya took her newly formed DWTS booty over to Chateau Sheree to spill some tea on one of Drew's many assistants. First of all, why does this woman need so many assistants in her home? Whenever a Housewife has more than one assistant running around in the background you know it's a red flag. Jen Shah anyone? While in the basement of the Chateau, Kenya told Sheree that Drew's messy assistant Anthony was talking shit about her. Basically Anthony (allegedly) used to work for Sheree and was telling Drew personal things about her life. Oh, and he's also claiming she didn't pay him which is definitely true.
At this point Sheree is notorious for not paying people, it's part of her charm so if you're accepting a job with this woman just know that you'll probably never see the money roll into your account. Just ask the contractors who built the Chateau. I'm not on anyone's side in this beef but I know Sheree is going to eat Drew alive the next time they're in the same room together, which I can't wait for because there's nothing better than a pissed off Sheree softly screaming at someone across a table. Anthony the assistant must've had an orgasm the second he found out he was the source of Housewives drama because since the second he could talk and flick his wrist his entire life has been leading up to this moment. Anthony clearly loves the cameras and the attention he receives from being in the Housewives orbit, I just hope he's prepared to deal with Sheree when she eventually runs into him.
Speaking of Sheree Whitfield, this woman is glowing and I'm not sure if it's from her newly injected fillers or the prison dick she's been receiving since Tyrone got out but she needs to keep it up because she has never looked better.
Between all the big personalities in the group, Kandi has taken a backseat to everything which I'm not mad about because she's the glue of the group who keeps everyone together. Kandi Burruss is the Queen of Atlanta, much like Kyle Richards is to Beverly Hills, so her energy will always be essential to this show whether or not she's in the centre of the drama. Say what you want about Kandi but she is the most successful Housewife in the history of the entire franchise and is criminally underrated. She's received more spinoffs than anyone else, every business she touches turns to gold and she's the most followed on Instagram. Kandi may not be the most dramatic Housewife of all time but she's one of the few Housewives who manages to be level headed and fair without being boring. Kandi isn't going anywhere.
With all that being said, I'm not too sure I'm invested in her relationship drama with Todd. In my opinion these two have been growing apart for years and while Kandi keeps trying to climb the ladder of success, Todd is comfortable living off the money they already have. I was never one of those people who thought of Todd as an opportunist but his frequent visits to the strip club and random boys trips to Miami do make me think he's a cheater.
Who knows, at this stage in their relationship they probably have an understanding. There's no way Todd is living it up in strip clubs across the United States without getting his dick wet, whether Kandi knows about it or not. Plus, his secret New Jersey condo is evidence enough that he's slaying pussy on the side, after they sign an NDA that is, because we never see his business flung across the Instagram blogs. At the end of the day if they are in an open relationship, more couples on this show should follow their lead so everyone's not constantly blindsided with cheating rumours.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.
