RHOA Recap: Blue Balling

Linnethia may be the OG of the ATL but I am over her hypocritical, confrontational ways. NeNe Leakes is not a good friend and frankly, I did not miss her during the first two episodes. At all. I feel sorry for anyone who's ever been apart of NeNe's circle of friends because you can't breathe without her finding some way to fault it. She falls out with people over the most petty things, refuses to talk about the problem and then suddenly starts being nice to you three years later. Ask Kenya.

How many reunions have we sat through where NeNe refuses to answer a question and spends the 12-hour taping being a passive-aggressive bitch so no resolution can be reached? I am just over the entire persona that is NeNe Leakes and obviously, we need her around to provide us entertainment in the drama department, but watching this woman is more exhausting than a hot yoga class. NeNe decided to unfriend Cynthia, a woman who was a bridesmaid in her fucking wedding because Kenya attended her event. That's all. That's the reason. NeNe and Kenya's Instagram beef really wasn't that deep (I still don't know why they hate each other) and it was none of NeNe's business who was coming to Cynthia's party. Period. End of story.

For some bizarre reason, the American Cancer Association decided to make NeNe Leakes an advocate. Are you fucking kidding me? All this woman did was complain through Gregg's entire cancer journey and yes, she was obviously going through a lot, but instead of supporting her husband she spent her time last season fighting with him, assaulting a cameraman and alienating herself from the entire cast because her ego is too inflated to let her be vulnerable. What part of that makes NeNe a good advocate? Linnethia is the perfect example of what not to do when your husband is diagnosed with cancer.

I also don't give one single fuck about NeNe's spiritual journey. Any Housewife who claims to be on a "spiritual journey" is just trying to redeem themselves after acting like an asshole. How many spiritual journeys did Porsha go on when she was the estranged street fighter of the group? I rest my case. NeNe hasn't changed and I don't think anyone actively on a "spiritual journey" would spit on another human being. The main reason I'm invested in this season is just to see NeNe and Kenya's spitting battle in Greece. The bottom line is NeNe was a cunt, not a good caretaker and she can stick her spiritual journey up her ass next to where Marlo lives.

Aside from the Rich Bitch's return to the group, Eva went house hunting on international television, even though she claims she has to constantly move every time her baby daddy finds out where she lives. Eva and her hippie rags are just confusing to keep track of and I'm not buying anything she's trying to sell us about this sperm donor storyline. I'm sure her ex is a massive asshole, but she rented that townhouse last season for the show while she was actually living in that small condo, and tried to make it seem like her baby daddy was the excuse for her sudden move. If she was really scared of him trying to find her, she wouldn't be on a reality television show and she wouldn't be looking for houses for the world to see.

The bad news is, Porsha is still struggling with her douchebag of a fiance cheating on her while she was pregnant, but the good news is that her weeping over her asshole baby daddy allowed us to reconnect with Tanya. I'm still confused why Bravo decided to give Eva a peach over Tanya because I can never get enough of the Canadian tech guru. She's smart, she's gorgeous, she's stylish, she has actual money in the bank and her house is beautiful. Seriously, most of these women just have their own McMansions *cough* Porsha *cough* but Tanya's real estate oozes money.

Porsha cried some more about Mr. Hot Dog and revealed he blamed her being emotionally unavailable for the reason he fucked someone else. Ugh. Men. Every man who gets caught pulling a Tristan Thompson always finds a way to blame their significant other which is a gross form of manipulation. The truth is Porsha was with him every second of every day and constantly available in the relationship, they were having a baby together for fucks sake, so that "excuse" is just sad, petty and desperate. Porsha doesn't deserve to be with a mumbling weiner who would treat her so badly, and although they are back together in real-time, I hope Porsha knows she can do better. Also, when are we going to address the bestiality rumors? Does he fuck dogs? I need to know.

Kandi and Todd's surrogate storyline is cute in theory, but in reality, it's just the two of them waiting around for a baby to be born. We know I hate pregnant Housewives because they can't drink, go on cast trips and always an excuse to get out of a fight, so I appreciate that Kandi put her Housewives career first and used a surrogate instead. That's a true All-Star, even if she doesn't drink. I love Little Miss No Scrubs, however, Kandi's storyline is wearing a little thin these days. Apart from her surrogate storyline she doesn't have a lot going on and her hands are squeaky clean in the drama department. What is left for Kandi to give us this season? Another product she's going to push down our throats? Kandi is one of my favorites but we're going to need her to bring it a little more to earn her keep on this show.

It seems they found one way to keep it spicy and spent their lunch debating over Todd deciding to take his 23-year-old daughter to the strip club. Kandi didn't agree with it but honestly, I don't find anything wrong with it, well for the most part. Going clubbing and drinking with your kids is one thing, and it's fun to live it up in the club with your parents, however, going to a strip club and introducing the sex factor, especially between a father-daughter relationship, is a little weird. I think it's fine if Todd and his daughter want to hit up a strip club for a funny memory, but if it's a recurring thing then it becomes a little Norman Bates adjacent. What I'm trying to say is, if it's fun for them, who gives a fuck, it just shouldn't become a habit.

The Shane Simpson of Atlanta, Marc Daly, finally arrived in town and he's just as much of an asshole in person, as he is over FaceTime. Marc is a typical alpha male, which means he's a controlling, egotistical douchebag. Marc basically forced Kenya to hand in her peach after he refused to film for her, and while she was caught up in love I don't think Miss Twirl really cared, but after she pushed a baby out of her vagina and the love wore off, I think Kenya could see her relationship going down the tubes and groveled to get her peach (and independence) back. Kenya loves being on this show more than Kim Zolciak loves looking like a duck and she wasn't going to let her asshole of a husband hold her back from her Bravo paycheck.

Kenya literally gave birth to her competition because Marc gives his daughter more attention, that he gives his wife. Marc didn't even give Kenya the respect of looking at her during their entire scene together and answered every question with a lame, sarcastic answer, that Kenya tried to laugh off. Long-distance relationships don't work, but even if he moved to Atlanta, I still doubt he'd give her the respect a husband should give a wife. It was hard to watch, especially given the fact Kenya was going above and beyond to try and please him. The only thing Marc did was complain about the lack of eggs in his breakfast and show the world what an arrogant prick he is. I'm sorry but if your wife makes you pancakes, bacon, and fruit for breakfast you say thank you, you don't complain about the lack of eggs and make fun of her cooking. Marc is a dick and I'm so happy to know these two are no longer together.

Bravo sent NeNe, Cynthia, and Eva to New York City to appear on the Pride float and I'm confused why they sent this grouping along. Out of the entire cast, why the fuck would they invite Eva, the most boring one? Does that make sense to anyone? The gay pride parade was the first time NeNe and Cynthia were set to see each other since the reunion, however, moments before they were supposed to whoop it up with the other Bravolebrities, Cynthia discovered a shitty interview NeNe did calling her weak and desperate. Really Rich Bitch? Yes, 52 Cynt did her fair share of interviews too, but she wasn't slamming NeNe she was just serving facts, whereas NeNe talking trash about Cynthia was just mean spirited. Also, why did Linnethia force her glam squad to take the time to curl her wig when she got on the float with straight hair? Make it make sense...

It was fun seeing all the Bravolebrities partying it up on the float, especially on the heels of BravoCon and it's just further proof why we need an All-Star Housewives show in the future. Who doesn't enjoy seeing Kelly Dodd, Margaret Josephs, and Dorinda Medley whooping it up with Andy Cohen? Although the entire episode was focused on NeNe & Cynthia's pride run-in, the producers, of course, decided to cut the episode as soon as they made eye contact on the float. Really, Bravo? Really? This is called blue balling editing, they get us all worked up but stop right as we're about to cum.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on our favourite Georgia peaches.