Shade of the Week: Tristan Thompson & Jordyn Woods

I’m still in a “what the fuck” shook mode.

After Tristan Thompson was caught cheating on Khloe Kardashian while she was pregnant, instead of being a better human being and not putting his dick in anything that moves, he decided to take the opposite route and fuck his baby mama’s sister’s best friend. Let that sink in. Jordyn Woods has been a friend of the family for YEARS and was in Khloe’s Good American ad campaign, so it’s basically like he fucked one of her cousins.

At first I thought this tea sounded way too good to be true. Not only did he cheat but it was with someone so close to the family? I was in denial for about 32 seconds before I saw Khloe, her friend Malika and Kardashian hanger on Larsa Pippen confirm the news through emojis and the occasional word on Instagram. I also received a TMZ notification, because I’m boughy like that, that Kim unfollowed both Tristan and Jordyn on Instagram. THAT is when you know the rumours are true. Fuck any sources confirming, Kim unfollowing the home wreckers of her extended family is all the confirmation we need. It happened. It’s real. Tristan fucked a 20-year-old friend of the family, that’s the level we’ve sunk too.

For anyone who can look at Khloe literally confirming the rumours and think they still aren’t true, if the stories were all a bunch of bullshit wouldn’t Kylie or Khloe have spoken out? Why would they let these people be dragged through the mud. It happened and I’m more shaken than a fucking martini. It’s not surprise Tristan would fuck anything with a big ass in sight, it would be weird if he wasn’t constantly engaged in intercourse with anyone who wasn’t Khloe, however, the thought of Jordyn going into a party knowing she was going to fuck the cheating pig is crazy to me. She lives with Kylie and basically lives off the 21-year-old billionaire, so why would she fuck that up by getting with the father of her best friend’s niece? Could she not find anyone with a bigger dick or was she trying to get some more clout? Sofia Richie, Amber Rose, Blac Chyna and Jordyn all need start their own club and exchange Kardashian curse stories.

The original story claimed that everyone was forced to hand their phones over before Jordyn arrived and were told to leave if they wanted them back because she would be there for a while. If phones are being confiscated before her arrival then this was some premeditated shit. Did she slide into his DMs that night? Were they having a sordid affair for a while? I need answers and a Khloe Kardashian tell all sounds perfect in about the next 12 to 18 months and would be the best thing that could happen to this family. I just can’t get over the betrayal. Kylie buys her best friend a new body and makes her Insta famous only to have her fuck her sister’s boyfriend. I feel like I haven’t said it enough. Jordyn fucked her best friend’s sister’s boyfriend. This isn’t Melrose Place or The Young And The Restless, who does this shit?

And the real victim in all of this is Kylie. Khloe knew he was a cheater and stayed anyway, so she has no one to blame. Guys come and go, friends are forever, unless they fuck your brother-in-law. She lost a best friend over a lousy BBC

Of course with all the hysteria we have to be cautious and take note on the possibility this was constructed for attention but that’s always a factor in this family. The show is dying a slow and painful death and this will give them at least two more seasons, however, after they teased us with Tristan’s cheating scandal all last season and then didn’t show him actually discussing the scandal, it left a sour taste in my mouth and just because Kardashian adjacent people had an affair, I’m not sure that it’s really driving me to watch this show. The only thing I would want to see is a close up of Kris Jenner thinking of all the money she’s going to make off the scandal. Kris is the only Kardashian I continue to care about and I give zero fucks.

Tristan and Jordyn did a bad thing. This is fucked up and like any crime, we need answers. Was it a one time thing? Who made the first move? Are they in love? Is she pregnant and if not, can she get pregnant to add to the fuckery level of this family? Did Kylie know? Who told Khloe? And the biggest question of all, why the fuck was Tristan having a house party without his baby mama being present, that’s easily the most confusing part of the entire ordeal.

Following the drama Khloe finally dumped Tristan almost a year after looking like a dumb bitch for staying by his side, so let’s be glad that his reign of terror is over and we can finally respect the most likeable Kardashian once again. E! reported the ex-couple are getting along for the sake of their daughter, which in Hollywood speak means they want to set the other person on fire. This is a Bethenny Frankel crisis and while none of us can provide aid, we can all be passive bystanders and watch this situation blow the fuck up.