Married To Medicine Recap: Hood Cinderella

After six years of cheating, physical fights, messy mama drama and all the other fuckery that's happened on this show the most alarming thing that's happened yet was Heavenly admitting she grew up in a room without windows and wasn't allowed to leave the house. Is anyone a lawyer because I feel like this is very illegal, I don't want to throw Heavenly's mama under the bus (potentially RIP) but how are you not letting her go outside? Luckily Heavenly is black because she would be white qw a ghost if she were a white girl never seeing the light of day.

Heavenly is still on her spiritual journey which has taken her to her hometown Miami. The doctors (we aren't counting CONE-Tessa) are the dream team of this show so I'm happy they all took a girls trip to where Heavenly came from. It would've been better if the entire squad got an invite so we could have some built-in drama, but I'll get what Bravo supplies me with. No one who isn't on reality TV is taking group trips back to their hometown as therapy, the only people who can take time off work to travel across the country just to have some kind of unnecessary healing are reality stars. Going back home to humble beginnings has become as common as vaginal rejuvenation on these shows, but I'm more supportive of reality stars getting a free trip rather than their pussy tightened on TV.

The doctors went to Heavenly's childhood home which is also something only reality stars can do, has anyone ever knocked on someone's door and been like "Hey, I used to live here can I take a look around?" No fucking way. That's how burglaries happen especially in the Miami hood, so if Heavenly didn't have a team of cameras and producers with her there is no way Louie, the fine chocolate homeowner, would allow three random girls to walk on up through his house just for some spiritual healing. Before arriving at her old home, Heavenly gave Dr Jackie a debrief of her upbringing in Miami while Simone slept with her mouth open in the back, I just hope she doesn't catch a fly! From what we learned, Heavenly wasn't allowed to play outside and her mama focused her to be a doctor while her sister Denise ran around getting dicked down all over town. The dentist hadn't even seen the end of her street until she came back. How did you not go for a walk up the street? It's not surprising Heavenly is submissive towards Daddy because it sounds like she was just as submissive to her mama growing up.

Once inside the house, Heavenly showed us her old room which looked like the size of a disabled bathroom and had no windows. If Heavenly's mama not allowing her to go outside was bad enough then keeping her in a room with not even a window is the icing on the cake that was her natural light free childhood. What did her mama have against her seeing the light of day? Maybe this is why Heavenly is such a freak in bed with Daddy, she never got any vitamin D in the streets so she's making up for it in the sheets. Heavenly's life from 0-18 just seems like utter sadness and explains why she's so aggressive today, thanks to the psychological insight from Simone and Jackie. If you never communicated with other children then how are you supposed to communicate with adults? However, if Heavenly wasn't an employee of Bravo I don't think she's be popping off on people's mothers and restraining herself from hitting several bitches on a weekly basis.

Before the house tour was over, Heavenly remembered her dad died in the house which caused her to run out crying. They didn't even say goodbye to Louie. How rude. Heavenly's childhood is so interesting to me, she's like a hood Cinderella story. She had to read all day while her sister got to frolic in the sunlight and then broke free of her oppressive chains, became a dentist, married a doctor and built a house with ample windows. It's like Cinderella if she was a chubby girl from the Miami hood, verbally accosted any and everyone she's ever met and didn't even have a mouse to play with. At the end of the Miami trip Heavenly realised she should be more thoughtful of her words in the future. What the actual fuck? You spend three days in Miami to deal with your past life and now she realises she should be nicer? Heavenly should've learnt that lesson after her first season on this show.

Apart from the trip not much happened. Cone finally got her mastectomy which I just don't care about. It's important to raise awareness, serious surgery, blah blah blah, but I just don't have a fuck to give. I'm strangely attracted to her semi rat looking husband and I don't know why but out of all the doctors on this show he's the one I'd want giving me a physical. Or Daddy but then you have to deal with Heavenly's crazy ass and who wants that? Cone cried for the majority of the episode but if you don't want cancer this is what you need to do. Sorry, not sorry. We can only hope this stunt doesn't get her invited back next season because the producers of this show have a tendency to bring back boring cast members, do I need to remind you of the human version of a yawn who is Lisa Nicole Cloud?

Mariah had a scene with her daughter whose name I still don't remember and the HUQ. How she can take him seriously let alone subject herself to having sex with him I will never know, she's definitely the top though! The producers and Mariah are trying to make her nameless daughter happen and no offence little girl but I don't see reality TV success in your future, this isn't Alaura sweetheart. Does Mariah have that little going on that we have to watch her have endless scenes with her daughter talking about growing up? If she wants to be full time then she is going to need to do a little more than have the birds and the bees talk while trying to be a budget Tamar with her reactions. Every time I see Mariah on this show I think about how she literally got fired off her own show. What the fuck were you doing that the show you invented fucked you over? At least her desperation gives us insurance that she will always deliver at any and all costs.

The Quad drama is still being discussed and I no longer care. The girls are mad at her for talking about her marital problems on Sister Circle but not with them when they all expose their lives. That is the root of their issue but as a result, Quad continued to talk about her declining marriage with a couple from that sad marital focus group. Why is Quad staying in this relationship? What is she getting out of it besides bad memories, legal fees and some scrambled eggs? Fuck the good years, Quad needs to pack a bag and get the fuck out of that house because Greg hasn't cared about her for years. Why did she even stay with him after the reunion taping?

It's odd to me that's there's even a discussion of them to stay together when they don't speak to one another and we already know she's filed for divorce. Let's pray the divorce episode rolls around soon because if I have to see Quad, Dr Greg, his squeaky voice and pinky dick in couple's counselling I am gonna to lose any faith I have left in Quad and her wigs. Toya was also around for 30 seconds but she's firmly Dr Greg which is more annoying than CONE-Tessa's overall presence on this show.

Married To Medicine airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these medicial miracles!