Below Deck Premiere Recap: Ahoy
By Danielle Levy
Below Deck (the low-key best show on Bravo) has returned for its 6thseason near the beautiful island of Tahiti and, though we’re missing token chef/womanizer Benjamin who’s probably busy on another boat getting a 3rd stew pregnant, we have been doubly blessed with “Man of the Sea” Captain Lee and the chief stew of the people, Kate Chastain. Lezbe honest (JK, Kate is strictly dickly again) there would be no season worth watching without these two vets. Although at first glance this crew seemed a little underwhelming in the “looks” department (#BringBackBosunEddie), they seem to muster up tons of drama in terms of fighting/sexual deviancy and that’s what we live for so let’s get right into our first impressions.
Unlike any season before it, season 6 delivers the first ever male stew, Josiah, and it looks like Kate may react better to a bitchy 2nd malestew than a bitchy 2nd female stew, which means she may finally get along with another cast member after 6 years and that is huge stuff. The third stew, Caroline, meets Josiah and attempts to give him the world’s most unreturned fist pump upon discovering he’s not a deckhand annnnd she’s already the annoying little sister nobody wanted. Kate claims to be a fan of her attitude at the moment, but if there’s anything we know about the first day on Below Deck, all is well & dandy before the first charter starts.
Chef Adrian, Ben’s hippie replacement, reveals that he spent years caring for his sick dad and genuinely seems like a really nice guy. Maybe TOO nice. Def not a Chef Leon or a Chef Adam, which could be really refreshing I just hope he doesn’t get eaten (no pun) alive by Kate who has made a reputation of chewing up and spitting out nice chefs. He later reveals that he likes to drink daily and have a lot of sex so he's sparked hope that he'll bring us some other drama in replacement of galley bitchiness. The crew then gets together for their first meeting with Capt Lee, and is it just me or is it so weird when Lee introduces the “first officer” and “engineers” of the boat- like so strange that there are other people living on this tiny vessel and how do we never see them? Also, why does Bravo insist upon including subtitles for Australian deckhand, Ross? I mean, I can fully understand what he’s saying but thanks anyway. We are also introduced to bosun Chandler (parents must’ve been Friends fans, amiright?) as well as deckhands Ashton and Rhylee.
Lee reveals that the first guest of the season is going to be Foam Party Enthusiast and friend of his from a few seasons prior, who, if I remember correctly, was creepy AF and jumped on aforementioned Hot Bosun Eddie during an infamous foam party gone awry. Regardless, always love a recurring guest who Kate has already met and thrown shade at so we’ll try to give him another chance. The guests arrive and go for the usual tour of the yacht, and if you listen real closely you can hear one of the guests whisper “this is bigger than my apartment” which is the most relatable thing I’ve heard in a long time tbh. This boat is sick, Tahiti looks gorg, and after Below Deck Med hit up Croatia and Amalfi Coast I’m looking forward to seeing what these guests are going to do here.
I’m sorry but can we re-address that Adrian is WAY TOO PLEASANT to be this boat’s chef?! I guess it’s still early though so let’s give him until charter 3 or 4 to completely lose his shit and throw a whole fucking swordfish across the galley into 3rd stew Caroline’s permanently confused face. Back up in the wheelhouse, Lee seems worried about the bad weather but so glad he was able to find some calmer waters because who wants to start off the season not leaving the dock? We need water toys and we need the bosun complaining about said water toys even though he’s fully aware he has to bring out the slide on every charter but always acts surprised and annoyed about it.
Just when I think this primary is going to redeem himself from the creepiness of his first charter, he drunkenly rubs his cold nipples in front of Kate and near-orgasms when hottie deckhand Ashton brings him a birthday cake, so unfortunately the opinion still stands even though I’m sure I’d be just as excited about a hot guy delivering me cake in his underwear. He also assigns Capt Lee an outfit to wear to dinner and let’s be real, if they weren’t friends he would’ve got fucked up realll good because no one tells Capt Lee what to do. We also find out Ashton used to be a stripper and has some accent that reminds me of Joao (and also a body that reminds me of Joao) and I ain’t mad at it. Rhylee assembles Ashton a diaper to wear for the cake presentation and gets alllll up in his grill trying to put this thing together. She must’ve enjoyed the way his balls smelt because it looks like they hook up in future eps.
Alas! The moment we’ve all been waiting for: dinnertime.
Dinnertime on Below Deck is a real coming-of-age tale; where we separate the boys from the men, the weak from the strong. Tempers will flare and lines will be drawn. Prior to the first charter, every crew is all like “Oh wow, what a great crew I’ve been dealt this season! No greenies!” UNTIL DINNER ROLLS AROUND. Will the chef abide by the preference sheets? Will the 2nd and 3rd stews be able to clear the table in time? Will 1st stew accurately report the needs of guests to the chef? Will there be unwanted onions in the soup?!! So much can go wrong. So many variables. Despite being a little confused that one of these guests has light-up hair at dinner on this 5-star 180 foot yacht, all seems to go well during this dinner and Chef Adrian really may be too good for this show. The only thing that really happened was Caroline getting pissed that Josiah told her to “shush” but she deserved it for interrupting and I’m sick of her whining already. Bitch better toughen up.
We close out the episode with the primary riding on a jet ski refusing to wear a life jacket similar to a little kid throwing a tantrum after his mom makes him wear a bike helmet even though none of the other neighborhood kids have to, which has resulted in some sort of weird Napoleon complex. But either way I can’t wait to see this guy A. fly 300 ft in the air or B. receive a verbal beating from Capt Lee upon his return.
The rest of this season looks pretty unreal-- somebody gets fired (my guess/hope is Caroline), somebody goes overboard (!!), and most importantly.. hook-ups galore!
Below Deck airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first ladies of Bravo!
