Married To Medicine Recap: Miami Heat

This week had more filler than Lisa Rinna's lips but that's okay because these medical mistresses have been working overtime to deliver us with so much reality TV deliciousness they deserve at least one episode where they are annoying their families and aren't accusing anyone else's husband of cheating or comparing each other to poultry.

Mariah took her daughter who looks 9-and-a-half to see her OBGYN Simone because she's starting high school soon. Are you telling me Mariah's daughter who was the indirect cause of Toya getting her head smashed in by Mama Lucy's purse is older than Alaura? Time fucking flies. After Mariah had a cute moment with Simone who had delivered her daughter, whose name escapes me right now, I wanna say Annabelle (?), Budget Tamar had to leave the room because Annabelle (?) had to tell her OBGYN things you can't say in front of your mother, so she said them in front of a team of cameras and producers. Who does Bravo think they are fooling? Instead of getting her up on the table and doing an examination, Simone just talked to her about boys and related her high school girl problems back to her group of reality TV friends.

These producers hate Mariah and that fact was proven once again when she had to sit in the waiting room while a team full of randoms got to hear her daughter's "personal" information instead of her. The producers tell Mariah to jump and before they are even done she's got a trampoline installed ready to fight any bitch she needs to in order to remain on this show. She created the show for crying out loud and she STILL got demoted? How do you get fired from your own show? Mariah's desperation is the reason she's such good TV but she is definitely in Danielle Staub territory when it comes to the production side of things.

For some reason, the men decided to bring Dr Greg back onto the scene to talk about his cheating ways. I don't need to hear his side of the story, we don't need that. No one likes Greg, no one cares about Greg and no one wants to hear him and his squeaky voice make excuses for why he got a THOT to suck on his little pinky dick. I understand that the producers want us to hear what he has to say about the scandal but we don't need to, there's not going to be any more information that we haven't already heard. The only acceptable reason why Greg would be allowed on the show would be if the ladies were around, not so he can pop in and try to change the direction of the narrative.

Greg doesn't want his wife back, he wants to stay in control of how the story is relayed to the public, if he cared about his wife he wouldn't have cheated and he wouldn't have acted like an asshole for an entire year. Quad and her bevy of wigs are not perfect but she tried so many ways to try and get their marriage to work but he always pulled out how he monetarily supports her and rolled around on the floor like a dog looking into strobe lights. I don't want to hear what he has to say about anything and his squeaky voice makes my ears bleed, so I would really prefer it if we didn't have to be subjected to this all the time.

Greg being around also highlights all the disgusting and outdated perspectives of the men who support other cheaters because "they haven't done anything to me" and think men cheating is okay but would leave in an instant if their wife cheated. I hate the double standard and I hate Curtis supporting Greg. He should be sitting in the corner knitting Jackie a quilt that says "I AM A CUNT" not standing up for a little turtle with glasses.

Not much else happened. Simone decided she was going to actually try and make her marriage work by living in the same house as her husband. Most married people live together and if Simone likes her independence then she should just get a divorce. I'm all for Simone and Cecil's reconciliation but if something isn't working just call it a day and live in your different geographical locations. They still aren't having sex and they like living apart so I'm not sure why they want to stay married, for the kid I guess but as soon as he packs up for college I think we'll definitely see the end of their marriage or what the fuck is left of it at this point.

And what happened to Tammy? Cecil said he unfriended her at the reunion but why can't she do a walk-on in the show and really fuck things up. Come on Tammy, where you at? During all the Tammy talk at the reunion was anyone else picturing that random RHOA "friend of" with the braids from a few years back who almost died and then disappeared from the show because that would be an epic crossover and a crazy plot twist. Two birds, one stone.

Toya and Eugene are building their dream house which I mildly care about because I just moved into a new house and somewhat styled my room. It's not Bravo quality but I know how to make a room look nice with under $200 from Kmart. Give me a day and Kmart gift card and you'll be surprised. I feel like that's a HGTV show waiting to happen. Instead of living in Atlanta Toya decided to build a house in Alpharetta because it's cheaper. The ATL is pretty cheap in itself especially considering the fact that it's fucking huge so I don't know if these two are broker than Kim Zolciak and her trailer park chain gang or they just really want to save some money. The house seems like it's going to be nice but it's almost identical to Chateau Sheree, however, since Sheree lost her peach, it will be nice to see an oversized, expensive mess on our Bravo screens again.

CONE-tessa is getting an Angelina Jolie-esque mastectomy. Cancer's serious. People die. I get it. It's life changing and CONE-tessa doesn't want to put her family through that, I understand but I still don't care. If another woman on the show was having surgery to remove her breasts I would be as sympathetic as a nun on a Sunday but I don't like CONE-tessa, her new wig and her new attitude. Everything with Cone coincidentally happens during her filming schedule. She finally flys her dad out during filming. She finally gets a mastectomy during filming. Yes, everyone on Bravo and beyond alters their lives so they have something juicy to share with the world but it bothers me with Little Miss Cone because she acts like she's above being on the show when we all know she is desperate to turn up on WWHL and sell that Flat Tummy Tea. I don't even think Cone is on the level to hawk some cheap Instagram products yet, but she can keep trying.

As a part of Heavenly's quest to be a better human being, she decided to take Simone and Jackie with her to Miami to deal with her childhood of growing up there as Little Kim. Heavenly's alter ego of Little Kim isn't really little because she is still alive and well in 2018, it's not much of an alter ego, it's basically just Heavenly being Heavenly. Nothing happened on the Miami vacation yet but it really should've been a group trip. We need fights and drama accompanied with the emotional times of Heavenly dealing with her past.

I don't know if Bravo's budget couldn't afford to send seven women to Miami or if Heavenly really only wanted to take this ladies but either way CONE-tessa could've stayed home because no one is checking for her. Heavenly, Jackie and Simone are a solid group but how is Toya NOT going to get mad about this. Tacky T got pissed when the b-character of the group decided not to attend her party so how is she going to feel when she was completely left off a trip? Brace for impact.

Married To Medicine airs Sunday at 8/7c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on these medicial miracles!