Shahs Of Sunset Recap: Circle Of Life

I know everyone loves the snark and shade embedded in all my recaps but it's hard to have those things when an entire episode revolves around the death of one of the cast members parents. MJ's dad Shams died after years of health complications and a stroke. I know it's corny and dumb to say "he's in a better place" when someone dies but in this situation he really is. His quality of life was not good. He was stuck in a hospital bed for years on end, his neck couldn't even hold him up and I don't think he could speak either which he saw through him looking into MJ's Snapchat filters confused and incoherent, so as tragic and devasting as it was for everyone involved, at least he's finally at peace.

Everyone except MJ could see his health declining for the last few years but she was hopefully optimistic he would be able to see her have children and walk her down in the aisle. MJ's false belief of her dad's situation wasn't as bad as it was last season, but she took her rose coloured glasses off and was wearing rose coloured contacts. MJ's only living family is Vida (and Reza) by default so whenever she loses a family member it cuts her deep, which we saw when she froze her dead dog in the freezer. I don't know if it's God, fate, spirits or Andy Cohen but everything does happen for a reason and it wasn't a coincidence her dad's death and wedding happened in such a short succession of each other, sometimes the universe closes one chapter so you can start another one fresh, without having to flip between the pages. Ew, I just read that back and I know how cheesy it sounds but it's the truth.

The editing for this episode was a little off. I'm not sure how long after he died this was filmed but there wasn't any mention of a funeral and if there was I was too busy eating pasta. The whole cast was stunned by the death of Shams but their botox made it hard to tell, especially Mike. Holy shit. Each episode he morphs more into a Persian Joan Rivers. Bad example because Vida is the Persian Joan Rivers. Maybe the Persian Bruce Jenner? Pre vagina days, of course. In honour of the death and to remind us they are very Persian, the group brought an endless amount of food over to Mike's house to comfort MJ. The usual suspects were invited, including Nema, Tommy, Vida, Mike's wannabe Kardashian girlfriend and even MJ's gay pep squad who are her bridesmaids.

There was just a sombre vibe attached to this episode which was necessary because someone lost a parent but nothing really happened. Mercedes is my favourite Shah and I just want to hug her, stuff some ghormeh sabzi down her throat and tell her everything will be okay but she clearly has enough people to help with the healing process. Even though Vida was a hoe back in the day and cheated on Shams, they remained close after their divorce so she was hit hard by his passing and for the first time we've known Vida, and probably the first time in MJ's life, she actually managed to have one sentence where she didn't criticize her or make her feel bad about herself. These two are really the only blood each one has left so I think the Shams situation woke Vida the fuck up and maybe we'll see her be nicer or it could be the complete opposite and turn her into an even more critical bitch than she already is. I love her bitchy streak so maybe she can just accost her daughter in moderation?

To try and cheer the bride-to-be up, Reza and Mike decided to take MJ wedding dress shopping. Why was Mike there? When trying on wedding dresses you should be surrounded by a room full of your bitchy female relatives or a bevy of gays who will praise you and say "YAS QUEEN" more than a British servant, not come to see if your dick will get hard. It's clear none of the three really wanted to go but when a check is on the line anybody will film anything. The wedding dress shop was in was Orange County so Reza tried to explain how OC women have blonde hair, big titties and a fuck tonne of botox. Does he think we've never seen The Real Housewives of Orange County before? Vicki Gunvalson's multiple faces have been burned into my amygdala. (Thank you, LeeAnne Locken, for entering that new word into my vocabulary.)

Before Mercedes had even tried on one dress she had a breakdown in the dressing room so Reza and Mike tried to console her with Cartier jewellery and cliche lines. I want to take Mike seriously, I really do, but his botox doctor is making that so hard. He tried to laugh at his own jokes during the dress fitting and that face was moving just as much as a nun does during sex. Not at all. Surely Reza can help him with the botox/makeup situation because it's getting worse as the season goes on. In the end, MJ walked out in a Sofia Vergara mermaid dress with ruffles from the 80s on the bottom, she obviously didn't buy it but even moving forward with her own life after her dad dying was a big step for her.

Following the majority of the episode revolving around Shams' death, the producers threw in a boring scene of Nema's sister (and potential girlfriend's) birthday party to try and lighten things up. After we are officially four episodes in I've seen enough to know I don't like Nema. I always sympathise with newcomers because it would be so hard to fit into a group in any reality show, be interesting, have a good storyline and be asked back for another season, it may be the hardest thing in the world next to rocket science and being Ramona Singer's assistant. However, he is so boring and too thirsty for the cameras. He enjoys his non-cheating scandal with Golnesa way too much and his ex-girlfriend attending a filmed event just solidified that his Jax Taylor ways were all for a storyline.

It's not like Nema is a player like Shervin, who you know has a different bitch spinning on his dick every day of the week. No, Nema is a skinny twink who looks like he drinks warm milk before bed and likes to be the little spoon after sex, maybe we should ask his sister for confirmation? GG and Erica meeting was pointless because Golnesa either smoked a doobie three seconds before walking in or neither of them gave a fuck because Nema looks like a sick chihuahua. He's trying to make this cheating scandal happen but it's just not working because it's too boring and too uneventful. Hopefully, both girls watch the show back and both avoid his penis or better yet, have a threesome because a threesome among reality stars always ends like it should, awkward, sad and with a fuck tonne of drama. Hey, I knew I'd be able to sneak some snark and shade into this!

Shahs Of Sunset airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the flossiest Persians in LA!