RHONY Recap: Bethenny Blues

Everyone is talking about #TeamSkinnygirl or #TeamWriterGirl and I’m really not on either. Morally I think Bethenny has been less than truthful and has definitely been on the outskirts of the group due to the ladies getting tired of her bitchy ways but I just cannot be on Carole’s side. She’s whiny, annoying and looks like she’s aged sixty-five years in the space of one season. I’m happy she’s finally become an actual Real Housewife with opinions and bitchy comebacks and I agree that Bethenny did fuck her over but she has developed had a smugness about her which I’m not down with. Ethically I’d probably have to side with Carole, however, theatrically I like Bethenny more, she may be a bitch but she creates great TV.

This episode began in the middle of Bethenny's breakdown which consisted of her crying in a freezer and going through all the problems in her life. I feel bad but like the rest of the women on the show and even the houses' maid who stood idly by, I too have zero fucks to give about her tears. Bethenny has officially lost control of the group which she used to reign supreme over and now she's just an exiled member on a sad lonely island with only Sonja Tremont Morgan willing to row over to her. If she can't control the group then she'll just ruin the trip for everyone else. Crying in the freezer on a tropical vacation is Bethenny's karma biting her in that skinny ass of hers and she really has no one to blame but herself after how she's treated the majority of her cast members. Finally, after she emerged from her breakdown with Dorinda, who was held hostage to console her, and the ladies went shopping while Bethenny looked like she wanted to jump into ongoing traffic, swim with sharks or was just told she had to spend the night in Ramona's room. Not even the Puerto Ricans looked that miserable and they had no active electricity.

Of course, Sonja carried the bone back to Bethenny about how the women had all been talking shit about her which only fuelled her depressed behaviour. I agree that Bethenny's crying is a constant annoyance and a ploy for attention but Sonja is, of course, trying to be a good friend to Bethenny, who only holds that position because there's no one else left for Skinnygirl to film with. Bethenny will probably throw Sonja out next season like the used panty liner Lady Morgan needed to shield her camel toe from the camera's view. After Bethenny heard what the girls were saying about her she asked Dennis to fly a plane out to pick her up. What the fuck? If Dennis is still in the picture what is the Red Scarf drama about AND how does he just have a spare plane lying around AND if Dennis just has planes lying around why the fuck would she go speed dating and not lock him down? Fuck Carole, those are Bethenny's real problems. After yet another meal where Bethenny cried on the phone while the ladies ate and gave zero fucks, she decided to stay on her own version of Scary Island. She looked like someone is holding a hot plate of Biggie and Smallz shit under her nose and focusing her to eat it the entire trip.

After her breakdown was semi over and she managed to not look like she belonged on suicide watch, the crew all went out for yet another meal but had to wait on Tinsley and her glam squad. This is another reason why Tinsley does not belong on this show. No one cares what you look like, wear a nice flowy tropical dress, a light layer of makeup and get out the door. If she wants to be extra she can go on Beverly Hills and be boring with them but it's absolutely ridiculous to have the Colombian Priv up in her room. The dinner in this episode was one of the best they've ever had, which may sound redundant because I've said this about every dinner they've had this season, but it was reality TV magic. Scott Dunlop himself couldn't have orchestrated something so riveting.

The first fight was between Bethenny and Carole who fought about nothing and everything. I'm so confused how this fight started and it seems like both women were too because now they are just debating what they were even fighting about in the first place. They should really just wipe the slate clean but there seems to be a weird deep-seated hatred between the two which I can't figure out. Bethenny has an odd jealously towards Carole about "wanting to be cool" because she brings it up every time they have a fight but isn't Bethenny the one with two dogs called Biggie and Smallz, a Christmas sweater which reads "Rolling with my Snowmies" and a vocabulary full of rap lingo? But Carole is the one who wants to be cool? The only thing Carole is guilty of trying to be is Carrie Bradshaw - especially with her new smoking thing which was just another thing which pissed Bethenny off along with the other ladies watching them fight. Doesn't Bethenny see the camera crew and the producers who are watching them fight? Who cares if Tinsley tunes in too. The former besties just can't get out of each other's way and their entire feud is coloured differently now that Carole has left the show.

This group is no stranger to having more than one fight break out during a dinner but never (in any city) can I recall there being two fights simultaneously playing out at the same time while Sonja orders a "mocktini with tequila" and makes out with Tinsley unphased and in the middle of both fights. This is why New York is the best of any franchise, nothing even comes close to rivalling them. While Bethenny and Carole fought about being cool (?) Luann and Dorinda fought on the other end of the table after the Countess made a vague comment about Mrs Medley getting a little too drunk which was met Dorinda ripping her to shreds like the hyenas did to Scar in The Lion King. When Dorinda is drunk she takes one comment someone says, focuses solely on that and takes it the wrong way. This time her contention was that a recently arrested ex-Countess shouldn't be telling her how much to drink so she attacked her mugshot, threw a glass and left Lu in tears. It was uncomfortable to see after how warm and supportive had been to Luann after she got out of rehab to suddenly shame her for it after she made a minor comment.

I've loved Dorinda ever since her debut but this season there's been a dark undertone to her drinking. It's not the funny comic relief factor it once was full of her slurring and "back it up" hands, there is a deep-seated aggression and pain that comes out when she's drinking and it's not fun to watch anymore. This hasn't been her best season, her attacks and comical forms of "telling it like it is" have just seemed like she's releasing pent-up aggression on the ladies from which she's been holding back for years. In past seasons she's always been the victor in all her fights and had the moral high ground but her shaming Lu was so wrong and really gross to see, especially when Tinsley and her blonde extensions tried to chime in against Lu on the ride home. I'm not saying Dorinda shouldn't drink because she has her hilarious moments like her Lady Gaga Halloween "NSL" scene this year but it's the anger she unleashes when she's drunk that's the problem.

Back at the house (which Bethenny hates), Lu was crying about the way Dorinda treated her which honestly made me tear up. Luann really has made an effort to turn herself around this season and to have her hard times be used against her by her friend after she made a sarcastic comment was so uncool. Of course, Bethenny took the opportunity to bring up the Puerto Rico incident and continue to plant seeds that Dorinda is an alcoholic, will not plant seeds, she literally said it. I don't think Dorinda is an alcoholic who needs to go to meetings and has an addiction. No way. An alcoholic is someone with an addiction and that is not Dorinda, but she needs to fix and recognise the anger which comes from her drinking so that she doesn't continue to do it because it has caused major problems in her friendships and is not a good look. It's Turks & Caicos Uncool Level for Bethenny to put the "alcoholic" word out there on national TV because all it is going to do is get Dorinda defensive which will make her combat Bethenny and not the problem itself. If she cared she would take to her about it in private and not to Luann with a camera crew present who will broadcast it all over the world.

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the big apple ladies!