KUWTK Recap: The Devil Wears Wigs
Khloe is officially havin the worst pregnancy due to her body not producing progesterone which is a hormone needed to ensure that you don't miscarriage your baby. She basically needs to take these pills and then wait for a cottage cheese-esque discharge to fall out of her vagina which she claimed was "burnt and bleeding." A baby is supposed to be a miracle but that shit is enough birth control for life! How do Kim & Khloe always have such a hard time carrying a baby when Kourt just sneezes and gets pregnant? KhloMoney's also considering eating her own placenta which you can allegedly get made into grape flavoured pills. What the fuck is this world coming to? Grape Placenta? As gross as it sounds I kinda want to try it. Can anyone get me a jar?
To top off Khloe's vagina issues, TMZ also received a tip (probably from Kris Jenner) that Khloe was in fact pregnant. It's so weird to me that TMZ even had the courtesy to let the family know that they received this tea because I thought a shady outlet like that would just publish the story in two seconds as a surprise attack. Khloe is "confused" how the news got out when she only told her family, friends AND AN ENTIRE PRODUCTION TEAM! Obviously a quick thinking producer (or her own mother) has TMZ on speed dial. Also, Kylie's pregnancy was leaked to the press before Khloe's, but I guess that they just aren't talking about it or they're just pretending like she got killed off the show because I have seen her lips running around in a LONG time!
Khloe was mad that the world found out she was pregnant before it was safe for her to announce it and got surprised that the press would say something about her. Really? You're a Kardashian, it's literally in your job description. After the cottage cheese discharge saga the doctor confirmed that Khloe's baby was A-okay and was ready to enter the second trimester. But in true Kardashian fashion they decided to drag this season out for another week just so we could find out the gender of Khloe's baby. I'm 98% that it's going to be a boy because he need some testosterone in this family!
While Khloe was trying to successfully carry her first baby, Kourtney was exploring her options of having a fourth baby via freezing her eggs. Basically the monotone Kardashian wants to freeze her eggs just in case she decides to ever have kids in the future. Kourt is nearly 40 so those eggs are going to be scrambled if she waits any longer to get them frozen which was proven by the doctor's clever starburst demonstration. I'm never going to be able to eat another starburst again. In true Kourtney form, she was very indecisive about the decision and basically concluded that she wasn't ready for it right now.
Why would she want to have a baby in her 50s or 60s? That would just be a mess, but I guess when you're rich it's easy to out source your help. Kourt said she wasn't ready to freeze her eggs because of the craziness that it puts your hormones through and the fact that she doesn't like taking medication, but honestly, if she really wanted more kids in the future then she would have done it, which makes it clear that this was just a storyline. Proceed with KOURTion. Did you see what I did there?
Aside from the very heavy fertility storylines of this episode, Kris got messy by trying to copy Kim and started wearing a blonde wig. Kris looked liked an underage twink with the wig on but Kim seemed to think she was giving off Miranda Priestley vibes which in Kris' EXTRA mind, told her to "become Miranda." All the girls were chilling around the house and walked into the foyer where Kris was standing their regally in her blonde wig and sunglasses reciting The Devil Wears Prada lines. Do they realise that "Miranda Priestley" is actually Anna Wintour and that she probably isn't going to happy with this little demonstration. I wouldn't be surprised if Kris gets her invitation to the Met Ball revoked again by Miss Wintour. Also what is Meryl Streep thinking of this heifer butchering her iconic role. I need to see Anna and Meryl watching this on The People's Couch ASAP!
After the girls poked holes in Kris' shaky Miranda Priestley performance, they decided to all channel Miranda vibes and show their momager how it was done. Kris looks more like Cruella de Vil in this blonde wig and shouts like her too. I can see Kris constructing a coat made out of dalmatians more than I can see her running Vogue. They girls all had their Miranda off and Khloe obviously won. Isn't this copyright infringement at this point? The girls all sat down and "ate" when Scott had just got back from a session with his barely legal boo and walked into this Miranda Priestley cult. Kris ended up getting drunk and the night was called. Would it even be an episode of KUWTK if Kris didn't get drunk?
Keeping Up With The Kardashians airs Sunday at 9/8c on E! Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the first family of reality TV.
