RHOD Recap: Brandi Land
This season is so good and it's all thanks to LeeAnne Locken. Love her or hate her she is delivering the drama one glass throw at a time and if the show gets renewed it will all be from LeeAnne's hard working hands. After all they're just hands!
We started off with all the girls getting home from Mexico. It was the usual routine of the girls hugging their husbands and kids while debriefing on all the drama that occurred during their time away. Cary filled Mark in on the gossip that was going around about him and told him LeeAnne said he goes to bars and guys hit on him. Mark got so pissed, I wonder what would have happened if she had told him the real story. You know, the one where he gets his dick sucked at The Roundup.
D'Andra had a business meeting with her mother to try and launch her new product. The serum sounds great. It lifts and gets rid of wrinkles, I would buy it if I was an ageing woman. I was crossing all my fingers and toes, when Dee finally confirmed that D'Andra's product can be made. Go D'Andra! I'm so proud of my girl. Does anyone else notice that Momma Dee looks a tiny bit like Melissa McCarthy's character in The Boss. Google it!
The other newbie was trying to set up her own business. Kameron went to a dog food factory to try and see if they could produce her pink dog food. They said yes. The end. UGH! Vocal fry is not cute over the age of 30, especially when you have little kids. Watching Kameron talk, breath and walk on my screen gives me a literal headache. If she comes back for season 3 I'm gonna cry. I would rather have dinner with Meghan King Edmonds, Dorit Kemsley and Freddie Kruger than watch "the real life Elle Woods" talk about coloured dog food.
LeeAnne went to her doctor where they confirmed that she had a flesh eating bacteria. No part of that sounds fun and from my phone call with LeeAnne, I can tell you it isn't. I think LeeAnne's illness is definitely going to drive a lot of her behaviour for the rest of the season. LeeAnne also called Brandi to let her know that Cary said she never wants to be friends with her and Stephanie. When LeeAnne picks an enemy she will take them down and it looks like Cary is her new target.. Word of advice: Don't fuck with LeeAnne Locken. Just don't do it!
Brandi held her own "White Party" because it was around Christmas time. All the girls dusted off their finest whites and headed down to Brandi's party. It was basically a witch hunt for Cary at this point. Brandi and LeeAnne were sharpening their pitchforks while Stephanie was shaking in the corner at the thought that her "bestie" Cary could be talking trash about her. Oh, LeeAnne brought OG Tiffany with her, but I'm not sure if she even uttered one word. Sorry Tiff! LeeAnne told Brandi and Steph about her flesh eating bacteria and Brandi seemed genuinely concerned for her. Stephanie just pretended to be but then talked trash in her confessions. Imagine if she had said it to LeeAnne's face.
D'Andra couldn't attend the party because she was away in Croatia but she managed to find a way to still show up. Somehow she had an iPad on a stand and was cruising around the party. Yet another reason I love D'Andra. We need to take a moment to talk about the Housewife of the Year - LeeAnne Locken. This woman literally got an IV and prepared notes just so she could go to a party and confront another housewife. This is dedication and LeeAnne really needs a pay bump for season 3.
Cary showed up and it wasn't long before the confrontation began. The girls had to go downstairs to a cold room armed with wine, just to discuss their drama. The mess. Cary admitted that she did say she never wanted to be friends with Brandi and Steph but confessed that she mad they "antagonised" Kameron. Little Miss Elle Woods should have used the dildo and maybe she'd be more fun. Cary was busy deflecting what she said onto the fact that her and LeeAnne aren't friends.
Of course Miss Locken wasn't dealing with this BS and pulled out her stack of notes. Cary rolled her eyes and gave off major attitude which only aggregated LeeAnne more. She got in Cary's face with her "dog shit" breath and when Mrs Deuber still didn't want to play LeeAnne threw her glass on the floor. DAMN. Iconic. Everyone kind of ignored it and Brandi dropped the bomb that Cary was Mark's nanny. We all know what that means, that they had an affair. When LeeAnne heard this tea she nearly had an orgasm because it gave her vindication for the things she said about their marriage last year.
I feel sorry for LeeAnne, she needs to step it up to the big league of Housewives because none of these girls are willing to go toe-to-toe with her. LeeAnne needs to go up against NeNe or Bethenny not little Bambi Stephanie.
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Monday at 10/9c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the lone star ladies.
