RHONJ Recap: Trashy Boca Bitches!
I can't describe how happy I am that the Jersey girls are back, and I'm not just talking about the new season. I'm talking about how the fire and drama that built Jersey is back after a couple of years in timeout. I'm calling this season the redemption season!
We started back in the middle of Cakegate. Siggy was pissed and disrespected while she cleaned the cake off the boardwalk. The Sig fired off with mean comments in the heat of the moment but hasn't everyone done that? The next day Siggy and Dolores went to a juice bar and dished on last nights drama. Siggy just wanted an apology from her friends. Dolores is a true loyal friend so she is never gonna leave Siggy's side, hey just look up loyalty up in the dictionary and there is Dolores!
While Siggy and Dolores were sucking on smoothies, Teresa, Melissa, Margaret and Danielle all did yoga on the beach. On the van ride over the bitching began and the girls worked out that Siggy really owes them an apology. The girls were pissed that Siggy insulted them after they threw the cake across the restaurant. At this point all parties want an apology which can never end well. Teresa led the yoga class on the beach and we found out how Danielle managed to get engaged 19 times, the girls said it was because of her flexibility but I think it relied more on her heavy involvement in a Miami drug cartel. Catch that shade prostitution whore!
Suddenly out of the blue, Margaret gets a wreath delivered for Teresa who she had only met 36 hours ago. How long in advance did she order the wreath? I've been liking Margaret, but I smell a little calculation on her part. The girls all cried about their loved ones and Teresa put the wreath out to sea which was pretty moving, but this show can't stay peaceful for too long.
Later in the day the girls went over to Siggy's friend Lori's house. Right before they went in Siggy asked the girls to behave and you can imagine how well that went over with Teresa, Melissa, Margaret and Danielle who were already forming their own "I Hate Siggy Flicker Club!" Siggy introduced the girls to her friend Lori who's husband was Siggy's OBGYN. It's not everyday that you can say your husband has seen your best friends vagina. Danielle brought up Margaret's wreath and Dolores and Siggy were pissed. Siggy because she brought Margaret onto the show and Dolores because she has known Teresa for 20 years! To be honest, Marg probably should of texted them if she planned a special tribute like that.
After their lunch Melissa and Danielle watched Teresa learn how to swim with a hunkie lifeguard. Just to clarify, Teresa is a 40-something, mother of three that can't swim? Am I missing something here? While the girls drooled over Teresa's instructor Dolores, Siggy and Margaret all played tennis with another hunkie instructor. Siggy went and spilled the tea about Cakegate to her friend Lori who was just as horrified. Margaret started talking low-key trash about The Sig to Dolores. Now Miss Catania is Queen Loyalty so she ran out of there leaving skid marks. The girls all agreed to meet at Siggy's for dinner and the tension was just building up!
Over at Siggy's Boca condo it looks just like a mini version of her Jersey Mansion and she even pimped it out with 11 photos of the Sig on the wall - as soon as you walk in. All the girls threw passive aggressive digs at it but I was in love! The attitude was in the air before the girls got ready to eat dinner. The 4some had their own clicky group and didn't have any time for Siggy. Danielle is loving that Teresa and Melissa are feuding with Siggy because she is holding onto Teresa for dear life to try and keep her job! As long as Teresa is feuding with someone else, Danielle is safe because if Miss Staub is back next season, I would bet money that her and Teresa will go back to their old ways!
The girls sat down to dinner and it didn't take long before Cakegate got brought up. I think both sides should of just apoglsed for upsetting each other but these are a fiery group of ladies from Jersey that have cameras pointed in their face, so naturally no one was willing to eat it and say sorry. Siggy got was no backing down and I loved every single second of it! Teresa and Melissa were offended about Siggy saying "now we have to explain that we're from Jersey" the night before. Sig said she never said that. Bravo backed up Teresa with a flashback of Siggy saying it but I really think that Siggy honestly didn't remember. And why is Teresa annoyed that Siggy associated Jersey with cake throwing. While Teresa has been on the shows she's flipped a table, chased Danielle through a country club, pushed Andy Cohen over, feuded with her entire family and gone to prison. I think cake throwing is a minor offence compared to all that.
Siggy came for Margaret and called her an "Ice Princess" after Margaret used her lame "Soggy" Flicker line. I get that Sig's a gemini but it really wasn't the time to try and lighten the mood with that joke. Then Sig used the trash card which made Danielle start to pipe up. Remember how Danielle's old trigger word was garbage and how Joe Gorga called Teresa scum. Yeah, trash and it's various synonyms don't have a good history in this group! Melissa, Teresa and their two followers walked out and offended Siggy's Sexy Chef in the process. Why drag Sexy into the beef? By the way, this whole fight took place with a massive poster of Siggy's book in the background. That advertising game is strong!
Next week gets even more crazy with the divide becoming even deeper and Siggy trying to destroy Margaret - not empower her! Hey, at least she's honest!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Wednesday at 9/8c on Bravo. Stay tuned at Good Tea for our shady recaps and exclusive tea on the craziest ladies in Jersey!
